get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
high people should be assigned attendants
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
