In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
