my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Randomize
