you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
