This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
should my penis look like a turkey
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
