So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
You may now shotgun with the bride
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
