Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
