Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
