It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize