I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
