Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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