Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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