Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
