So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
