I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
