I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
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