i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Couch. On fire.
Randomize
