I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Randomize
