Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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