Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
