i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize