and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
