I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
