I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
