I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
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