he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize