i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
