Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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