You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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