Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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