More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I need a hoe opinion
go on
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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