he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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