just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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