All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
