Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
If I die, sorry about rent.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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