Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
