If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
