my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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