you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
