people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
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