Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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