no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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