If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
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