I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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