i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
