I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Randomize
