i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
