it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize
