Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
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