I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
COCAINE IS GR8
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
