I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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