im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize