So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
