i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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