Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
