don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
