SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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