this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Randomize
