i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
