You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
