she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
my shit smells like andre
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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