when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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