i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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