we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Randomize
