Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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