he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
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