Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
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