It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
