Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
