She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
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