the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
