Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
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