This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
