Dual....:-)
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
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