I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Randomize
