tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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