im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
