I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Randomize
