'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
