Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Randomize
