Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
