Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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