You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
