just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
We have started to decorate penises.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Randomize
