We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
