omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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