Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
