Please, let me fuck your mom
someone get that fucking seahorse.
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
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