i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
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