U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Randomize