i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
