i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
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