There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize