I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Randomize
