Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
