He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
