i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Randomize
