Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
