I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
