wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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