did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
