At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Randomize
