have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
