He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
