You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
