Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
