I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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