Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
