Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
