Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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